Sheltered with love

sorry!

2010-09-04T23:11:00.000-07:00

Sorry for not keeping up for the past 4 months! Here is life as it stands right now. Currently i am in NEW ZEALAND!!! I never thought i would get here yet here i am. spiritually i am growing but at the same time i feel a cave in. Right now we have been here for 5 weeks. I am getting into a serious state of introvertedness... thats right the side of me that none of you tend to see is rearing its ugly face. i am currently sitting out side the back of the house all the blinds around the windows facing where i am are closed. I love it here though the sky is currently covered with fast moving clouds and its a nice blue hew and a touch of pink. i am hungry for more of God at the time and i pray that that hunger continues. I do miss my one on one times with people back home. There are families i miss more than ever right now and things i wish i could be back for. wow that was amusing i have no idea what just happened but there was girls screaming and pans crashing and clanging in the kitchen just now. Any way back to what i was saying. life here is so busy we really have no down time and now that i am on housekeeping i have NO freetime to do anything anymore. I still need to do one on one time with my small group leader and come up with a plan for our group time on wednesday but i have had no time to do that. I honestly have no idea an i am just living life second by second here. I got to call my grandma for the first time since i have been here and that was the greatest thing ever! I not only got to talk to her but my Great aunt and uncle Kathy and Jim. It was great convos and i do miss them. Its odd having been in school for a little over a month and hearing about all the little kiddos from back home starting up preschool and elementary school or even middle and high school. I have been in contact with those starting college and its hard to be honest. i do wish i was back home at points. I would love more than ever to be there when my sister walks through the door this week home from the marines. Yet at the same time i know what God has called me to do with my life and that also puts a bit of fear in my life in a good way though. I like knowing im going in the right direction in my life right now and i know my calling beyond right now but this right now is preparation for what is to come. I honestly dont know if and when i will come back to the states. I am officially here as of now till dec 27th but that looks like it may change if all this keeps up.

Far Beyond....

2010-05-04T14:48:00.000-07:00

So lately I have had a switch flip in my life in a good way as far as I am concerned. I have applied for YWAM in New Zealand so I am to hear this week on if I get accepted and I am nervous. I have no backup plan if this falls through at this point. On that note I have taken this step totally blind not knowing what will happen. I am praying for success on this one for once. Im not going for the middle ground of oh I tried if i don't get this i will be upset. I am looking forward to getting out of the house, seeing the world, and sharing my faith all at the same time.The bible study I have been doing with my Well family has been a great lesson. We have been doing Phillippians by Matt Chandler some great stuff. I also have been learning a lot in Acts since we are going over that at The Well. I also have been trying to get in the hang of doing a quiet time each day. I must say that is something I needed in my life. I love it, it is such a great way to grow. I have learned to be real and come to him like a child. I have to say i did learn from little kids. As my babysitting gig has somehow transformed in to somewhat of a full-time job at this point. I always see how blunt kids are and that is how I am trying to be with God. He tells us to ask and have faith like a child yet i never took that serious or understood what it meant to come to him with faith like a child. Everyday I get more blunt with him about relationships and YWAM. He knows my heart and I am learning my heart and what is in it.

Along with this I want to bring a song in to this blog. I heard this for the first time ever on Sunday at The Well and it was totally my prayer for my life as I was standing there singing it.

"We Will Worship You" Lyrics
by Carlos Whittaker | from the album Calros Whittaker - EP

We fix our eyes on You, You are God alone
We fix our eyes on You, You’re our only hope
For all we have to lose is our very souls

We fix our eyes on You, You are God alone
We fix our eyes on You, You’re our only hope
For all we have to lose is our very souls

Save us from these comforts
Break us of our need for the familiar
Spare us any joy that’s not of You
And we will worship You
Yeah, we will worship You

Satisfy us, Lord, in Your unfailing love
Satisfy us, Lord, that You would be enough
We have nothing here, let Your kingdom come

Save us from these comforts
Break us of our need for the familiar
Spare us any joy that’s not of You
And we will worship You
Yeah, we will worship You

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Save us from these comforts
Break us of our need for the familiar
Spare us any joy that’s not of You
And we will worship You
Yeah, we will worship You

My favorite part of this song is this:
Save us from these comforts
Break us of our need for the familiar
Spare us any joy that’s not of You
And we will worship You
Yeah, we will worship You

If we were real with God about this a lot of us would have to say we want to stay in our comfort but if you stay there you will be stuck and will go no where. I have been taking so may steps in faith out of my contorts and God has been taking me out of the familiar because He has joys that are beyond me if I choose to follow Him with my heart. I just looked at my life recently and noticed that this song right where I am is my story at this time. I pray that it continues to be my story and my reflection of God and who He is and what He has done for me in my life. I hope if you get the time you will listen to this song sometime. We all get stuck in the familiar and the comforts in life because we like those sometimes or a lot of times. It takes a growing person to step out of those things and totally lean on God. Thats all I have for now...maybe I'll have more to say later.

Your arms hold me together!

2010-04-06T09:00:00.000-07:00

K so I wanted to take some time to write this week out of the craziness of life. As you know if you read my last post I am working on a conference and it is this Saturday. Well in the past week God had brought me to new places in my faith through the planning process of the conference. Last week we lost sponsorship for the conference cause they backed out. I was a wreck trying to find a way to get the $400 we would need to pull off the conference! I broke down on Saturday in the car on my way home from Como. I had no idea what to do and I had been asking God a whole lot of questions like Why now? Why did this happen? And even what i was to do. I ended up making a call as i came to the Hudson bridge and talked with a wonderful woman. She had asked me a few questions like Does God really what this to happen or is it a door that is closing? I to be honest didn't like to think that it could be God closing that door considering i slammed that door in his face when i said no a few years back. I also couldn't wrap my head around the fact that all those times i was thinking of backing down from this He would do something so big that i knew that i was to keep moving froward with the conference. She had prayed on the phone with me over the situation and we hung up. The rest of the day i couldn't get past that question and the idea of being ok with the door closing on me if thats what God wanted. All throughout the day little things would point to move forward and Trust in God. i was unsure if that was me wanting to believe that thats what He wanted or if it was Him. I left the house to go to bible study that night and oh my did God make it clear what i needed to do. I needed to keep going but He had to have ALL CONTROL. Durning small group we split off and did a time of confession and man i spilled over. I told the women i was with about my control problem and wanting to know the out come of what was going to happen but knowing God had to have all control and i just needed to trust in Him and how i was afraid to. I like knowing weather things will work or not before they happen so i can brace myself but this time God said NO!! After that one of the girls had an idea to get the money. We went back down stairs to meet up with the guys and pray as a group. I shared the situation with the group to be prayed over and if you know me i'm known to smirk when i ask for prayer but i will admit this is the one time i didn't smirk. I just didn't see how God could do it. However the group had a few ideas. I left that night with $65 for the conference.

I went to church the next morning with a different attitude. I had seen Alisha who is the speaker for the conference and shared what happened with her and the pastor who hold the small group i go to came over and said i looked like a different person compared to the night before. He jokingly said to us that maybe I should tell my speaker that she needs to charge less. We laughed as she said "i'm not getting paid i'm doing it out of love and kindness!" Before He left he said "Don't worry we got it covered." My mind was racing what does that mean? but i chose to trust him and that night when i got home from babysitting one of the guys from my small group was on facebook and opened a chat with me and said he had a guy who would sponsor me for what ever we don't have by Thursday!!! That made me overjoyed in seeing how God works and brings things together in His timing and His control if we just let him! So i'm still looking for sponsors but knowing that if i keep getting turned down that there is a person who will cover what i need! God provides in ways we never think and we just need to be in His arms and trust cause He will hold us together!

long time no post...

2010-03-12T12:18:00.000-08:00

Well most of you may or may not know what has been going on in my life lately so here goes nothing...For the past few months i have been planing a conference called Identity In Him Women's Conference. It for women in highschool and college looking to find their true identity in Christ. I have noticed an increase in women that age struggling with identity in life. Last month i went through a drought in my ability to do things that are so big and out there. This conference being one of them i hit the bottom and was unsure how to do this anymore but God kept telling me and giving me little things to show the direction. I was at the bottom one night so badly and i was at a Barlowgirl concert in MN. Well Alyssa was talking about one of their songs called a million voices. She had said that our generation need to be bold and do those things that people believe we cant do and how the media lies to us and how we need to change our world! That was like a slap in the face to me and i needed that it has lit a huge fire in me and has opened may doors for me. This conference is now 1 month away and on April 10th i will be sharing in front of a group of women a story of changing you name. I found this thanks to the concert. Alyssa had struggled with something huge in her life and found Is. 62 helpful in knowing if you let God take you he can change your name. I had been holding names on myself that had no need to be there. I love the name Beloved! That is my name to God thats how he sees me!

Well along with that there is a lot of fighting about peoples futures in our house. I have been wanting to do YWAM for a few years now and i decited to listen to God and chase down that dream. I am working on my app for going. Yes as usual my dad hated the idea of me doing it yet at the same time he condones it. Now i feel like i have been flying under the family radar by planning the YWAM decision. The focus and fighting turned off me on to my sister after a week of my dad hating my idea for my life and him trying to push me in the direction he thought i should go. He had had my sister sold on his idea of the air force and well she decited to not go that way and go into a different branch. My parents have been fighting with her for the past month about this choice and well tonight they sign the papers letting her do it. However i know i will still be lashed out on in frustration and anger over her choice cause its been that for for a while now. there is soo much tension in the house everylittle thing can set anyone person off at any moment. The attitudes are hard to deal with. We have turned into a family of yelling and fighting and i hate it. I try to stay out of it and keep my mouth shut but even getting your breakfast ready in the morning can open a door for a fight because there is no milk. Its not that you said anything about it but one person will turn around and yell "There is no f-in milk!" then another person will lash out on you and try to get you to join in. i have made note of this to just walk away. But how many times can one do that when the words coming out of ones mouth is soo hurtful to the one on the receiving end. I am focusing on where God is leading and i know he has a way out of here for me and i need to wait for it to come. It hurts to not have family support in the decisions i make but i found it makes me a stronger person and my ability to stand up for what i know is truth in life! They may not help with with YWAM or this conference but God has placed a good family around me to support me in my life.

I went to meet Alisha who is a great woman and the speaker for the conference the other day and she saw me like i have never been. I was confident, stong, and happy! She has always seen the struggle in my life and has helped me through. She loved to hear all that was going on and kept telling me it was great to see me smile again and confident in God's leading on my life. I was fearless in a way for once. She was excited to hear my future plans and is supportive of what is in the makings for my life! Another few people who have been a huge encouragement in my life would be Pastor Dave and his family. Dave and his wife are great to open there house to about 20 college age students at 9pm on a saturday for a biblestudy! Last week Dave during a prayer request i had looked over and noticed me smirking while i was asking for prayer over what was going on. Dave just looked at me and said "Syd i love how you smirk every time you ask for prayer. You just make me smile cause your smirk gives me the I know God's going to do something and my family just doesn't know it look when you do that! You just have confidence in the fact that God will do something!" I thought about that on the way home that night and i came to the conclusion that if i couldn't smile while asking for prayer over something i know God will do something with then would my faith in him be real. I mean if i asked for prayer thinking God could do nothing that would just be a huge joke. I mean i smile cause i know God is the one that matters in my life and i wanna live for him and if we don't ask we will never get an answer. So i smile knowing God is there listening and will give an answer in time. Dave's wife has been another huge help in my life right now with my YWAM application. She has talked to me and is supporting me and helping me with my questions and application and is in prayer for me and this. Her kiddos are soo sweet too. I know that whole family will be praying for this for me and it makes me excited! Her son and daughter where watching the application come out of the printer sheet by sheet and where excited to hear where God my bring me!

I love all you out there and God bless each one of you!

Who am I?

2010-01-11T21:22:00.001-08:00

Who am I is the question i have had in my head since this car crash i was in on Dec.2 2009. I'm trying to get over the fact that i may be out for the season on a few of my fav things. I may not be able to snowboard or ski this winter and this summer who knows maybe no volleyball or kayaking. Its all up in the air. I just wish i could go back to that day and never get into that car accident. I feel like i have lost some of the things that i love. Its hard for me to sit on the sideline and watch others do things i wish i could do. I miss having the option to say Yes to those things verses having no choice and saying NO cause i know it will hurt my shoulder or back. I miss just going out and doing things. I want to say yes again. I don't find joy in photography anymore either cause i have always done it while doing things i like. Now i cant get those shots i wanted to get out on the ski hills this year. I hate the slowness to my life right now. I want the ability to do things again. I miss playing sports and going out on the hills and sledding or boarding. Its been hard to see photos of these kinds of things thinking if i didn't get into the crash i could have been out there too! I feel like i don't know who i am any more....I'm not as active as i have been and i am tired of not doing things i loved. I want to be able to at least pick up my camera and have a bit of joy in taking photos again. I miss that feeling of turning something into a piece of art.Now I guess i need to learn how to take beautiful pictures from the sideline and not out in the mist of the action...I just don't know how to be that person...I just don't know who i am any more and i wish i did at this point.

Whats on my forehead?

2009-09-21T14:36:00.000-07:00

K so today was just one of those dumb depressing days. I was all excited today when a friend told me of a job opening but due to school i could get there right when she told me about. At school i had a horrid day in the dark room along with the essay i was working on. All day i was looking forward to getting off school and going to get a job app. While when i finally got to the place to get an app the woman at the register looks at me and says the positions that were open have already been filled but we will keep your app on file when you bring it back. First off not what i wanted to hear secondly I needed that job!! Seriously i need a job so bad i will stoop as low as cleaning toilets for a living right now eventhough thats one of the last things i would want to do. I need a job so i can move out and pay for school. I feel like something is written on my forehead that just screws me over on things. I just want a job. Finding one is the hardest thing now a days!! ugg i wish that my dreams weren't so out there that i could accually attain them. But i guess the saying that "Dreams are for sleeping" is one of the truest things these days.

2 Corinthians 3:18

2009-08-25T20:53:00.000-07:00

As most of you know i have attended a camp called Wood Lake Bible Camp for 5 years. Well I made it 6 this year due to the fact i went as a cabin leader for 2 weeks. The first week was Sr. High week. I wanted to be up there that week cause the thursday of Sr. High week was the week i accepted Christ in to my heart and i wanted to share that with the campers!! Well I was a co leader with a girl i knew from a winter retreat up at camp and her nae is Jenny. I have to say camp was different this year. We didnt have Leslie and her family there as the camp deans for the week and JAH, Whitney, Isabell, and the band did not make it this year either. However we still had an amazing week. Jenny and I had a cabin of Freshmen girls the first week together. I found out 6 of the 13 girls in the cabin were from my town and out of the 6 i knew 3. I had my loved little one Sydney she has been my minni me for 6 years now. Her mom was my small group leader in 8th gread when i started going to church. Well as the week went on frustration and tention started building. Our entire cabin with the excption of one girl where compleetly united. We never really got over that at all but oh well. One night i was broke there was alot going on behind the senes over the days. When i got there i was extreemly excited to be up there and i love the girls in the cabin. Well monday comes and my dad had called the office cause he couldnt get ahold of me on my cell. So i called him back during my freetime. Bad choice on my part....I got yelled at the entire time i was on the phone with him... I was getting hit with things like your waisting your time doing dumb stuff like this for free life is about money and business. You need to stop foolishy using your time hanging out with teens. Your not going back next week... ect. This continued everyday till wednesday when i told him not to call me cause no matter how many times he called i couldnt leave anyway!!! That first day however i was so broke on monday during my freetime after that phone call i took my journal to the front step of the cabin and i was going to journal and anna walked by.. Anna was someone i was not to fond of till the last day of camp last year and i was unsure if i wanted to talk to her about my life just yet. how ever she saw something was going on and stoped in her path and asked if i was ok and if i wanted to talk. Me being who i am said i think im fine yah ill be fine. Jenny had came back from the store and joined me on the step and i had told her what was going on with my dad and back came anna so we both quick changed the convo. Well the fact that we changed the convo did nothing at all Anna gave me the "stair down" and when she gives that it instills fear in a person and in her stern but loveing and caring voice she said you will find me during the campers freetime and we will talk about whats going on. all i said was k i mean what else could i do... Well we did end up talking and boy was i glad i did. We have the same kinda relationships in our family with us being the only christians so she was a great encouragement and on top of it she knows some people who play big roles in my life. I also what was going on with my cabin buddy Amanda! She is another amazing girl who i was blessed to meet. Cabin buddies would hang with the kids while we were in meetings and they would come do devos with us at night.

So all week the sermon was on reflecting God's glory..never thought i would get sooo much out of a sermon the entire week. I figured one night i would compleetly relate to the sermon but it was odd each day went with what was going on in my life that day. One night we talked about steping out in faith and we had an alter time. Well he did the whole close your eyes....If you want to make a commitment to God saying your going to step out and follow him please come to the alter.....If you want to commite to accept him in your heart please come up.....and lastly if you are going to live your life for God and let nothing get in your way please come forward... We prayed then we were allowed to open our eyes i was brought to tears by what i saw ALL my girls in my cabin we at the alter making a commitment to God!!!! I could not have been more blessed to see that happen!!!! Well the girls wanted to hear my faith story from begining to end and i told them i would share it...Amanda was super excited to hear it to!! The last nigh of camp i was sooo nervious they wanted me to tell my whole life everything good bad and ugly. Well I did everything from the attempts to take my life, to the abuse, to what kept me alive. Sydney was in tears when she heard that if it wasnt for her and her mom Jody being there to teach me about God i dont know if i would be here. All she could do was look me in the eyes and ask "Does my mom know this?" I told her No only a few people know my entire story. Another one of my girls was mad that someone would abuse a little girl. I think it was a good way to end that week. I love those girls and miss them loads...

So the campers all left and i had to yet again give peggy a ride home from camp like i have for the past 2-3 years now. Amanda was worried and so was Anna that i wouldnt be back the next week but after hearing a sermon that week and knowing where God wanted me and the fact that it was an once in a life time oppertunity i was totally going to be at camp for the 5th-7th graders the next week. So i went to the office to hand in my paper work and Tim the director pulled me in his office and asked if i would be back and i said no doubt! He told me i wouldnt be with Jenny when i came back but i would have a Jr. cabin leader with me by the name of Billie!! I was soo excited i loved picking on billie for the fact she couldnt get the hula hoop to work sr.high week. Well i knew that i would have to find a place to stay for saturday night to sunday. So i texted my mom saying i had to be up there for the next week. Well i got home found a card on my bed for a wedding shower for a friends wedding i was in so i called and one of my friends who just got off work picked me up and brought me over. On my way to the shower i got a call from my Sunday school teacher Alisha! I told her what was going on and that my dad was mad about my decission to go work up at camp for free and that he didnt want me home between camps so she let me spend the night at her place.

So i get back to the house after the shower and i went to put stuff in the dryer and i ran up stairs to grab something and my dad stoped me and did the whole strict voice "What do you think your doing here?" bit on me and i told him i was grabbing some things i needed then i would be gone so i grabbed hangers and put all my 1/4 dry clothes on hangers and put them in the car and started to drive. Called Alisha and she didnt sound like herself so she told me what was going on and that she wouldnt be talkative like normal or hyper and perkie. I told her that was fine.. I was sooo tired from camp that i really wanted introvert time. Well I got to her place and she helped me with my wet clothes and we put them in the dryer we made a pasta dinner then decited to watch a movie...This part is funny k so we wanted to watch mall cop tried for 1/2 an hour to get it to work then gave up. The ones she wanted to see i had already seen and we couldnt find one that neither of us had seen that we wanted to see. So she did the whole "K so if you had to watch another one of the movies agin what movie would it be and could we watch it?!!?" I told her excitedly "TAKEN!!!". I have seen it twice and i would love to see it again!!! So thats what we did. I had to laugh cause she would be commening on things in the movie and she got frustrated at one point paused it and said " Well when me and betty went to irlend we did.....ect." I couldnt stop laughing in my head cause she stole the next lines of the movie right before he had the chance to say them. Well on and off throughout the entire movie she would make comments. We hit a point and we need a bathroom/laundry break so we paused the movie and i did my laundry and we ended up talking about the entire weeks worth of sremons form Sr.High camp and she sat there and took notes then we made ice cream sundays and finnished the movie. The next day we got up and got ready for church. Wow what a weekend to have her in my life. We did something totally different than anything we had done before at church. We played songs and when through the A.C.T.S. of prayer. It was amazing that God blessed me with such an amazing woman there by my side when i was falling apart. After service we had class it was neat cause she took some of the notes we taked about from the night before and used them in class. After that i was off to camp.

I got there drove to my cabin and Billie was already sitting on her bed ready to have fun!! I was soo excited to see her and she was excited we were going to be together the whole week. So i went to move my car back to the parking spot on the upper part of camp. So i walked down and Anna was sitting on her front step of the cabin and i was soo happy to see her. She was happy i was back and asked me how it went when i got home and i told her i ended up staying with Alisha and i told her Alisha said HI!! i found out when me and anna talked the first week they work together along with betty who was my cabin leader for the retreat one winter there. Well we got our cabin of girls finally and we had 13girls! I knew none of them Jenny had all the girls from hudson again. Dinner came and i forgot to tell Amanda i was back cause last she heard i wanted to but was unsure if i was able to. So she just so happended to be serving the line we were in and she was amazed i was back!! I was just hoping i would have her as a cabin buddy again but i figured Jenny would have her. That was fine with me too. Needless to say i was slow getting to our cabin that first night for devos and of course i had the bed behind the door so when you open the door you see nothing behind it and i was standing in the doorway talking and i finally closed the door and screamed cause there was Amanda sitting on my bed!! It was awesome to have her back i found out she traded to be in my cabin!!! Me and billie decited to do one on ones with the girls to get to know them and where they are in faith and the monday one of the girls decited to accept christ in her life so that was awesome!!! tuesday night the girls wanted me to share my faith story and not just parts but all. I was a lot more nervious this time than i was the week before I didnt know if i could handle telling them some of the things. Well i did share everything i was shaking the entire time and had a hard time making eye contact well telling them my story but it was so relivent to the point we wanted to make to them. That point was that the only beauty that matters is the beauty God sees in you not what others see or want you to be. That night my story became reality when i went to sleep. I was back in those woods I could hear all the lies and horrid words he yelled at me. He was hitting me all over again and touching me in ways that he never should have been. Well needless to say it felt like reality so much that i found out i scared my campers cause i was sleep talking. They ended waking up billie and had her wake me up. The next morning when billie woke me up for our meeting she asked me if i was ok and if i knew i was sleep talking. I told her i had no idea. She told me how a few of the campers were scared to wake me up cause i was moving around alot and saying things like no...stop...stop it....h...e...l...p... She told me she asked me if i was ok when i was in my dream and i said no and she said i was sleep talking and i snaped out of it. Well as the day went on i was scared it would keep happening at night. One day at camp Anna, Jenny, Amanda, and I were all standing around talking and Amanda wanted to hear Annas story so anna told us. As she was talking Jenny looked over at me and told me i needed and shoudld talk to anna cause we have been through alot of the same things and she thought it would help so did Amanda and Billie too cause that same day they said the same thing. Well we hit the day were we play the relay race our cabin was excited but 1 of the girls was sick so i decited to sit out then another one got sick with something else then one was hurtting. so i went to the cabin and took care of the two sick girls. Another girl came down to the cabin sick then one came down hurt. So we were sitting in a dark cabin girls sick and hurtting all over the cabin and i started feeling sick. I heard some of the most amazing things out of these girls during that time. One looked and me and said "satan is trying to take us down one by one would you pray please just pray!!!" So i did i just prayed my heart out for these girls and the camp. as i was doing so the nurse walked in. After about 10mins of her being gone one of the girls was feeling worse and another one of the girls asked me to just read my bible it didnt matter what i was reading out of it they just wanted me to read it. wow those girls amazed me time and time again!!! The next day we all felt fine however my heart was still hurtting and i hadnt had a chance to talk to anna and i broke down during evening worship. I was soo thankfull for Jenny next to me holding me and knowing what i was broken over and she asked me in my brokenness and tears if i had talked to anna all i could do was shake my head..Then devan game me a hug and billie grabbed my hand and held on the oppiset side jenny was on. When worship was over i gave them all hugs and David came over and just gave me the biggest hug i have ever got from a guy. Even while we where in our little staff prayer time i was still shakking and in tears and amanda just held me along with my friend shelby. That was the last night of camp. I never did get the chance to talk to anna at camp but i did send her the questions i wanted to ask her. I miss everyone from camp staff and campers!!! Hope this was worth reading for those of you who read it!!

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18

Unwanted..

2009-06-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

K so i have been looking at my friendships and i have noticed an area of envy that i have and i want to turn away from it. I always look at my friend circle and most of the people i hang out with are now dating. For years I have wanted a "boyfriend" so the first guy that ever asked me of course i said yes not cause i really liked him but cause he was the first guy that ever asked and i was tired of being the girl going as the third or fifth wheel. Now i see my friends dating and getting married and i am envious cause i don't have a guy in my life that i have a relationship like that with. So i have chose to go this year without dating or having crushes its become an idol to me and i hate that. I have put wanting a guy before the ONLY guy that should matter in my life and that is GOD!! If your reading this please keep me accountable to what i am saying and don't let me "date" till i have put God where he needs to be!

listening...

2009-06-08T21:23:00.000-07:00

K so it's time for me to listen and follow. I have had a few convos with different people about what to do with my life and I am striving for God and what he wants and what he has put on my hear. This is going to be a full summer. I am applying to go to college now not just for what my parents want me to do but also applying for college to work in youth ministry! This summer I have applied to work at camp to be a cabin leader the entire month of July. I am excited for what God has in store for me. Along with all this the past year I have been wanting to put together a girls conference. At this conference I want to address different issues and struggles teen girls face now a days. I am going to take steps this summer to get this off the ground. I have a few people who said they would speak at the conference already so if I can get this off the ground it will be awesome!!

Lessons to be learned that are Lifeshaping!!

2009-05-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

I have learned alot this past semester in Lifeshaping at my church. I have an amazing woman who leads class who will be called AC in this blog. We went through the book respectiable sins. In the class we did alot of wworksheets and some fun game analigies to go along with them. I had been getting a lot out of this class but i was extreemly quiet during the class answering questions only when i had to. I was struggling with a lot while in this class. It brought back this i didnt want to remember and other things that have torn me down. I got to the point one week during class that i wanted to thank AC for all that she had done and we all seem to leave the class room with a bit of a mess so me deciding to be who i am cleaned up. AC and i had a good convo for awhile that day while i was in there and i left chruch feeling different in some way. Later that night i went to Latte and heard amazing testamonies by 2 wonderful women from our church one who i grow closer to everytime i see her. That night i was struggling with alot of emotions of things in my life and pressures i have. I had got a phone call from a friend of my that added to my stress as it was. When all of a sudden i hear my name called. I turn around with my eyes watering and all the pain of everything i had been dealing with and there was AC. She came over and gave me one of the biggest hugs ever and it made my night. She had asked how i was and for once i couldnt hide how i was feeling at all(even if i wanted to). So we talked for a bit then decided we would get together sometime to talk. I had recived a call from her but i told her i was unable to talk about it over the phone. We got together last wed for coffee. I had told her why i was so quiet in class and that it was not like me at all to be a quiet person. If you know me i always like to answer any question i can. Well a lot of you don't know a lot of the stuff i have been struggling with. So i am going to be extremely vulnerable right now. This is hard for me to do but i need to. I try to live up to some high standards i have set for myself. I have received these "standards" from what i have heard from: family, friends, t.v, magazines,and the world around me. I have major issues with how i see myself. I always found myself to be ugly,fat,not worth anything, and unloved. Its hard living a life to unrealistic standards. I am the "goody two shoes" in the family so i cant make a mistake or the world will come to an end and I would love to hear i am loved and that i am beautiful from my dad for once again in my life. I am slowly overcoming this area of struggle and i found good things to focus on about me. Thanks to AC! I love my smile and i am starting to love my eyes,along with my unique since of style. A huge thing that has been hard for me is Trust. It is extremely hard for me to trust anyone especially guys. My dad stopped coming to my special things i would do no matter how many times i asked and if he did he would leave before they started. I can remember being at my volleyball game like 10mins before it started and it was a tournament and dad came over to me and said he was going to leave to go visit my cousin vs stay for my game. This has continued still to this day. I cant even get him to do anything with me. I just want my dad who use to love me and find me good enough to hangout with back. Due to this trust with my dad it has carried over into my relationship with God my Father. I can trust everything He says but only in my head and not in my heart. This is a huge thing that i am trying to work through and if anyone has advice or some good bible verses to help that would be great! I am so grateful that I have grown so much in that class and that AC is one of those teachers/friends that is there to help us teens! Cant wait to continue class this summer who knows what else God has in-store for all us teens in that class!

I have a few verses i read right away when i wake up and i meditate on them through out the day and i love these verses cause they are sooo true!

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, what ever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

1 Peter 5:8-9
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Thats all i have to say for today. God bless!

Why does this always happen to me!

2009-04-13T13:50:00.000-07:00

I am tired of the comments flying around this house about me. Yes i have reached the point where i constantly feel like i have to defend myself against what is being said. I don't care if i am not up to their standards i just want to be up to the standards God has on my heart and we all fall short. I don't like it when people use my faith against me by saying "Isn't that what a "good" Christian would do?" or "Your faith is a cult!". I am sick of it. I just want to leave but i have no where to go. I have been running to God for so long that i feel that that is the only safe place anywhere for me to go. People keep telling me my dreams are useless and will get me nowhere in life. Well its not life i am worried about i am worried about not doing what God whats from me.God is the one in charge and He rules my life. At least i believe in Him and finally trust Him. I understand that no human will love me like He does i just wish my earthly family would love me too. I honestly feel like i don't know how to dream anymore. Every time i try to have dreams of what i would like to do and i share them i hear "thats dumb", "You won't make money doing that",and "you wont be any good at that.". I understand we all go through hard stuff in life and God will never give us more than we can bare. I would like a time away from the house. I totally wish my grad party was not the weekend of the Spiritual retreat. That is something i will have to do sometime. For some restoration time. I guess maybe this summer i will take a week and go pitch my tent and live a week with no electronics. I think it would be nice to do that again. God grant me strength to get through this!

A kiss on my forehead and an embrace from a friend.

2009-04-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

No one knows my whole story..about my past or present. I feel like a burden when i talk to people most of the time cause thats how i am treated alot. I am not better than anyone cause of my faith so please dont treat me that way. Tonight i talked to a friend i have told very little about anything going on past or present. It was after our church woman's ministry called Latte! Tonight we had a woman come in and tell us her story of abuse. I have to admit i was in tears but for more reasons than anyone knows. Well after it was over i was in the hall and a friend asked if things were going better. There is something about her that i just cant explain. I feel like i cant hide anything from her even though we dont talk often to eachother. Well I told her i wasnt doing much better than the last time we talked and i told her things it takes me years to tell anyone! The things i told her hurt my life alot and my quilt God is still mending for me. I told her things about the present that no one no matter how close they are to me know. I have never been so overflowed with God love at one time. Just to hear the word "I am here for you and i love you!" are some of the hardest things for me to hear. We went into the dark auditorium and sat in chairs and she prayed for me all the time letting me use her shoulder to cry on as she comforted me and prayed over me. How can anyone love someone thats not part of their family? I know that we are all a part of God's family and i dont even understand how God can love me..but i know he does. I guess its always been hard cause i dont hear it from my parents unless other people are around so that they can put on a "im a good parent face" for the world. Dont get me wrong they are good parents and i love them i just do hear im loved. I loved the part where my friend prayed that God would take me with my head down and embrace me and Kiss me on my forehead. WOW! What an image that put in my mind.When she was done praying it was nice to know that she was and will be around to support me and help me take the steps i need to take to better my life. God poured out soo much into my heart at one i am still in tears about everything that happened. Thanks God for answering my prayers!!! I love you soo much and i am overjoyed to call you my Father!!!!

Hidding behind a mask...

2009-04-02T20:49:00.000-07:00

Right now my life all of it is hiding behind a mask waiting for someone to care enough to see through it. Has it happened yet? The answer to that is NO! No one has any idea what is going on in life right now cause no one has cared to asked or took the hints that i make. I am not fine i just want you to think i am fine cause i believe no one really cares what is going on any more. I am turning into who i was back in middle school. Im turning in to an introvert but trying hard to cover it up by still doing things i always do. Like cram my days with as much as i can. Right now i need someone in my life who will deal with the hard stuff with me in my life. My family wont listen to me friends ignore me for the most part and i cant pick up the pieces to life fast enough. I wish God would just take me home. i know he cares but i just cant take it here anymore... I need some one in my life i can talk to right now and every time no one has time for me. If i keep everything to myself im going to hate myself more than i already do. i just would like someone to talk to once a week and no be a hindrance to them. I pray God would bring that person soon!

Angry bridesmaid!

2009-03-30T13:33:00.000-07:00

K well i think teen weddings well need the help and organization of an adult. I vote that they should use their heads a little. If you tell a bridesmaid the day before the fitting that they need $100 the day before how do you expect them to have it? Where is the money tree??? Oh boy there have been so many last min. things with this wedding planning its driving me up the wall! I mean if ya tell me earlier i will have the money but the day before!!! I have been saving all my money for my trip cause we never had a day planned for the dresses and we don't even know what they look like!!! uggh o well i guess no more trip for me all that money is going to a dress i will only wear once!

How long can you believe a lie?

2009-03-29T12:02:00.000-07:00

I have been extra stressed lately. I can never seem to hit the ground running in the right directions these days. Pressure from school,college, deciding what to do next year, family, friends, Faith, work, everything is building pressure. I don't handle stress great cause i enternalize everything! I wont tell people how i feel unless they can see it. I always feel that if they cant tell then they dont care. Parents are pushing me to make decissions and it seems everytime i do they dont like the one i make. Trying to have faith right now is crazy hard. I keep falling and breaking. I get beat down and i beat myself up over it. Past come back and haunts me and makes me believe the lies satan is telling me. School well its my last year for highschool and that in its self is enough pressure for me but on top of that lets through in planning a grad party that is 1 and 1/2 months away! As for College my bible class i take on saturdays is great but it messes with my schedule like none other i get out of bed early or late i never seem to get out of the house at the right time! Deciding my life for next year i just want to through in the rag and give up! I dont wanna go for business and all my dreams for the next year keep getting pushed away and knocked down by what my parents expect of me! Its my life i wanna decide what to do! Family life well its stressful like always! Constant battle for me to do the right thing, make the right decission, not messing up, saying the wrong thing, and not making anybody mad. Come on! Friends well what about it! Some of them make me feel like they are using me to get something like rides or other things. Don't really have those deep friends anymore cause everyone else is always doing things together. Or like the big thing now is all the teens that went to Mexico they are their own click again so the few peeps i did talk to kinda ignore me now. The job thing i love the babysitting and nanny jobs i do it is one of my passions to be able to work and have fun with kids. However helping my mom with her 2 businesses not my passion or even something i want to be over involved in cause i cant stand that. The rav. business is the only one i could see myself doing something with cause i am the only one in the fam out of the kids who likes doing that. The pressure builds continually and i am having a hard time with this all and no one is around to talk anymore! I dont know how long i can believe the lies i tell myself to get through the day.

I tell my self i can handle all the pressure! I can run a business or 2! I can set aside my dreams and passions to do something i dont want to do! I can cram more in my week! I dont need friends! I dont need to talk to people! No one really cares about whats going on in my life! I am not worth anything! and so on there are so many lies i tell myself in a given day its sad.

I God has been breaking me of my ways slowly and its still a daily struggle to believe everything God says is true! if ya took time to read this sorry for my ranting but i needed to put it out there i dont care if you care or not i just had to do something to relieve some pressure.

Young kid with BIG love!

2009-02-20T21:47:00.000-08:00

K so today i had received a call from my youngest sister saying my dad was in the hospital. I drove to Hudson from Afton knowing nothing about what was going on. Just for someone to be out there praying over the situation i called MaJ. Hearing a loving voice gave me enough to get home. When i got close to Hudson i called my mom and she said that they didn't know what caused it to happen but he would be staying the night and he would be getting a cat scan in the morning. Well we got another call around 630 from mom saying dad would be coming home. They have no idea what cause his heart and breathing to be affected that way and said it could have been a Muscle spasium due to stress. So he was able to come home and we have no idea what cause it. Well i called MaJ after i dropped off my dad prescription. I was leaving a message when all of a sudden i heard "How are you?" i said i was doing good. Then in an eruption i hear and eager "HOW IS YOUR DAD?" "IS HE DOING BETTER? IS HE OK?" I told little J that my dad was doing good and i got the whole "REALLY?!?" so i just told him Yah my dad is doing really really good. I dont think i have ever had soo much comfort from so few words from an 8 year old before. That kid has so much love for people. What a heart he has for people.

confussion....

2009-02-09T22:13:00.000-08:00

In my bible class on the old testament we where talking about 1Timothy. It was a great class but I left more confused about what I want to do with my life! Youth ministry is what i want to go in to and feel let to. So i was going to go you Youth pastor. Well we talked about The Authority of Women.(1Timothy2:11-14) And The Church and Its Leadership. Well i dont think i have ever questioned anything more than this now. It says a womans job teach. However acording to 1Timothy a woman is not allowed to be a pastor. So how would you even get a job in a church working with a Highschool youth group full time with out having the title of "Pastor"? I mean just because i have this passion and desire and i have been following through with my commitment I dont want to end up with an empty heart over this. I am trying to follow where God is calling but This class is giving me things to dig deeper in and try to get through. I have done a mentorship last year with a youth pastor and it was a woman youth pastor but I don't want to go against what God has said. So its a big ball of yarn to unwind. If anyone could help on this topic Please let me know. I am going to talk to some pastors and see what they think.

Ski Trip!!! 2009!

2009-01-27T11:08:00.001-08:00

I don't know where to begin so I will start from the beginning! Cause I had finals the week of the trip I got them all done on thursday. Thursday night we finally got the computer back so we had Itunes. So I stayed up till 12:30am loading as many of my cd's as i could so i would have all my music for the ski trip. Got up Friday morning and wanted to finnish loading the rest of my cds so i started that at 8:30 i was not done till 45 min before i had to be at the church. So i run down to my room with the only suitcase i could find witch just happened to be the LARGEST one we own. I toss everything in it that i will need or could need for the trip. My sis helped me get everythign in the car. So off to the church i went.

Got there on time. I was thinking i was going to do my homework for my class i was going to be missing on saturday on the way up to Park falls that first night. Well i didnt i hung out with the little ones as they rotated on to the bus cause i cant sit in the back of the bus for too long. I think we stopped maybe 2 times on the way up... Had dinner at Arbys!!! Got to Park Falls unloaded the bus and part of the van and got all our stuff ready to stay the night! Girls in the cold basement but it was nice i slept by the fire so i was kinda warm but i only got 30mins of sleep that first night and we had to get up in the morning at 830 i think. Any way me not being a morning person and on a Huge 4 month lack of sleep i was not too happy about it. However morning came i was anoyed i mean HOW MANY TIMES DOES YOUR CELL PHONE HAVE TO GO OFF BEFORE YOU GET UP!!!!! Come on it was sooo anoying so needless to say i was up at like 5ish in the morning! GREAT was all i though. So by the time we Had to get i up i was ready to eat. Apple juice and a banana for breakfast!

Then we loaded everything we would need for the hotel back in the van and we hopped on the bus! Off to go skiing we went! It was soo neat when we got there! I started the day with a big group of us teens and i was snowboarding for the first part. All that need to be said about those chair lifts is they are THE WORST EVER! Talk about scary!! Well getting off them i thought would be easy but i was wrong! I got off a few time great i had 2 times at the beginning that where frustrating but the 4th time of the day was the one that got me! Mo was ahead of us and me and sari where saying it would be nice if the lift stopped right when we where up to get off well because it was mo's first time out she didnt know how to get off so we got our wish! well who would have that that wish would have came crashing down on one of us! Due to the fact we had no speed to get off we had a hard time i hit a rut garbed on to sari and i ended up infront of her so we where looking at eachother and i had let go of her Just ine time. In time for what you may ask oh just to have my back side of my board hit an ice rut and push my entire body forward. All i see is snow then i see sky and hear SMACK!!!! my head and shoulder blade smack the ground. I was wearing my helmet thankfully. I just stayed on my back laughing soo hard i was crying as sari and everyone else are above me laughing once they new i was ok. I took a few more runs got ditched a few more times then when in to eat.

After lunch i ended up putting on my skis and taking some advil for the head ach i had. After that i went out with One of the female leaders on the trip and we where ski lift buddies the rest of the day! We did alot of neat runs! Black dimonds and all!

After we where done we went to the hotel took showers and reloaded the bus to go to SUBWAY!!!!It took quite some time to get everyone through the line! It was worth the wait however! When we got back the girls jumped in the hot tub. We had a small group type question and answer time! That was interesting hearing the answers to some of the questions on the list. After that we went on the hunt for the soda and snack machine! I went to the room after that with one of my room mates and we ended up playing on facebook for a bit talking with other peeps from the trip cause they where all downstairs in the lobby using the computer down there to check theirs! Got up the next morning we had breakfast and loaded all our stuff in the van and hit the road back out to the ski hill!

This day i think was one of the funnest! I didnt snowboard at all! I had lost my snowpants and was scared cause we all had no idea where they where. I went to the office and asked one girl and she told me to ask a different woman. The second asked me what color and i said a light blue with ruffels on the butt pockets she took me to a closet she steped in and turned on a light! I have never been more elated in a long time to see my ruffle butted light blue snowpants!!! I had to go and buy socks at the ski shop cause i forgot my good pair back home! I went out with PW again seeing as though she wouldnt ditch me and we where having great fun little convos on the lifts anyway! Itt was sooo cold wait i remember it was -30 out that day!!! so it was COLD!!! we went down a few runs then went in to warm up JC decided to join us the next time we went out but before i did that i had to buy warm mittens cause my warm gloves were not retaining heat!!! So the three of us went out and met up with about 5 of the guys on the trip so all of us hung out till lunch. Then we all went out again but JC was teaching her kiddos to ski so she wasnot with us this time. I think there was only 4 of us 2 adults so it ment guys on one chair together girls on the other one! We had fun went through a wooded run a few times! talk about making decissions on a dime you had no time to think! We had races to see who could make it to the chairlift first! I do believe i had the Biggest come back!!! After quite some time we ended up going in for the day cause we had had enough. Eventually we loaded the bus again!

When we got back we had time to hang out I took a nice warm shower!!! I loved being able to take a shower everyday for a ski trip! We had ordered pizza! One of the guys said he was bored and wanted to do my hair as a joke and i was totally not joking when i said ok! i ran down grabbed hair clips bobbypins and binders! He totally backed down and one of the girls on the trip took my little binders and did my hair! It was quite the due! Then the pizza came so we ate! After that we did random things. We played a game that i played 4 years ago in Colorado on the ski trip. It is called Duckie Wuckie! Funniest game ever you have a person in the middle of the circle of chairs blindfolded with a pillow they sit on the pillow on someones lap and say Duckie Wuckie. The person they sit on has to somehow make their voice different and say Quack Quack. The blindfolded person can ask a total of three times and all three times they are able to guess who it is. E was the greatest on this game. He had sat on one of the girls lap and she did a loud QUACK QUACK. You could just see him think for a few seconds before yelling in all assurance that he would be right "It's an ANGRY SYDNEY!!!!" Ok so how could you not laugh extreemly loud at that. With that there was a big out burst of laughter and our pastor said No try again. He never did get it right but the nickname stuck with me for the trip. We had a question time after that. And of course more free time before bed. I fell apart while we where doing questions. I just dont favor the "Hell" questions. Having lost my Grandpa and being on a total lack of sleep. I wrote a poem for my Grandpa and got the chance to talk with JC again. We haven't talked about thing in a long time so it was nice. She let me use her airmattress for that night! Talk about THE GREATEST NIGHT OF SLEEP the ENTIRE TRIP! Yes thats right i slept!!

Got up monday morning had cold pizza for a tideme over till brunch. Played a game that i Wish i knew the answer too cause its still driving me up the wall!!! packed the van and bus and headed off to brunch then to home! It was a great trip! Loved it all!!!

Ski lift scare!!!!

2009-01-11T21:23:00.000-08:00

K well the day was going great learned how to use the toe edge of my snowboard! I did a few small tricks not trying to at all but i did! At one point i lost my group but that was not as big as the scare at the end of the night. I have a huge bruise on my knee and a small bruise on my other knee. My big toes hurt but my ego is what hurt the most at the end of the night. So on to the story!

It was the last run of the night before we went in to leave I was on the lift with one of the girls i hang with the rest of the crew was on the lift ahead of us! It was one of those nice longer rides up cause the lift had to be stopped for someone and we all know how that feels sitting there and all you want to do is be going down the hill. We ended up talking about how we dislike it when they have to stop the lift. It makes everyone impatient. At this time i didnt care that we stopped i like it when the lift stops at night. Any way when we got up towards the top of the lift we where getting ready to get off and i was having a BIG problem!!!! I was STUCK!!!! My friend i was ridding up with was trying to get the BUNGIE CORD off my snowpants!!! we got to the top my friend as she was getting off was yelling "STOP THE LIFT STOP THE LIFT!!!". Well as i swing around like i was going to ride the lift back down there was a bar that said hit to stop. So i moved my board so that it would hit it! So the ski lift stopped. While of course i am sitting there trying to get the cord off my pants and i hear some guys off in the distance on the ski lift pointing at me yelling "WHAT THE HECK DID YOU DO WHY DID YOU STOP IT?". At this time i yelled back laughing "I HAVE A BUNGIE CORD STUCK TO MY SNOW PANTS! THATS WHY!". The guy that works in the lift house came to help me as me and the other snowboarders where talking/yelling back and fourth to eachother. The guy was like "So what happened" "I am stuck on the cord and i couldnt get it off my snow pants in time to get off!" How could i not laugh as i said that. So he took off my board from my foot so i could jump off the lift and get back to the crew. I got laughed at so bad after that! My ego after that was soo low i was soooo embaressed!

Who knew!!!

2009-01-10T22:44:00.000-08:00

Well what an eventful night i had when i got back from dinner out! I came home and i was excited to have a nice peaceful night till i looked into the living room in the basement and saw MY couch cushion on the floor ripped apart! OK i spent my own money i earned when i was 16 so i would have funiture for when i moved out! Well on top of that someone was at the house that was not to be here cause it was against the rule while my parents where gone cause they went to a funeral in Iowa! To finish off the night I went to go get the milk out of the fridge and well the maple syrup fell out hit the floor and the plastic bottle broke. Syrup was everywhere on the floor it may not have been smart to use 3 towels to get it off the floor. The floor is most likely still sticky!!! How do i fix that problem and how do i get the syrup off the towels!!!?????

Who knows what the future holds....

2009-01-10T20:38:00.000-08:00

As many know I am at the point where I need to decide what to do with my life. People as questions like "What do you want to be when you grow up?","Where are you going to go after highschool is over?", and "What is God leading you to do?". I have been dealing with this alot lately well i can tell you the answer to 1 of the 3 questions!

I want to work with youth at a church. I love helping others and i am gifted in it. I had the chance to intern under a youth pastor i met at camp a few years ago. I loved it answering questions, leading discussions, helping with activities, and planning things! Helping people is a huge thing i love to do! anyone who knows me well knows this!

As for where is God leading me! Well working with youth at some point talking to kids about struggles in life and having the faith to get through it with God!

Now for number 2 well at this time God only knows where i will end up. I am struggeling with knowing what God wants and what my parents want. I want to do YWAM or FMMC like God wants not go to school and get a degree in business to take over one of my pa's companys cause i know i will not like that at all. I mean as it is I totally dislike economics with a burning passion!!!!

I talked to many people and for the most part people are telling me to go to business school then if i still feel led to do what God wants then its ok to do that. Well to me that goes back to the way socity thinks "The more eduication the better the job and the more of an adult you are!" Well let me tell you something the pressure is too much if i do any thing to please someone i want to please God! I know it will be one of the hardest things ever but its going to be alright!

The best advice i have got so far is from a close friend i love but have never had the chance to personally meet yet. She told me this tonight while we where talking about this:
"If you know that God is calling you to do something different than what everyone else wants you to do- follow Him. Everything else will work out in due time and if it doesn't, it's their hearts that are wrong."

Days of Joy!

2008-12-22T10:13:00.000-08:00

Well on Friday Dec. 19th I took Kar to The Nutcracker Ballet. Wow what a day that was! I had to get up at 6:30am and those of you who know me well know i am not a morning person. Well i ended up leaving the house without breakfast that morning but i was excited to go and get Kar! When i got to the house she was looking beautiful in her little Christmas dress! We did photos before we left then we had the 45min car ride to the ballet. I never heard her ask so many questions ever. She was sooo excited to get there and i was the same way. Well We got there and she didnt want her shoes to get dirty so she asked if i would carry her till we got inside. So unable to resist the cute face she gave me when she looked at me i caved and said i would! We walked for what seemed like forever but we finally got in and got main floor seats! We were 7 rows from the stage. She could wait till it started. Part way through the first part of the play she asked the cutest thing i have ever heard. "Cindy Why aren't they talking?". Well i couldnt help but giggle at that it was too cute. She sat in my lap for most of the first half of the play then the break came. We sat there and she didnt want to wait any longer for the second part to start she wanted it to keep going so there was no break. Well when it finally did start my stomach was starting to make noises. About 10min into the second part of the ballet Kar looks and me and says "Im tired and hungry! When will it be over i want to eat?" about another 10-15mins later i am sitting there with her next to me laying in her chair watching the ballet and now i am thinking "I am hungry and tired when will this be over.". I never thought i would be the one thinking that. Well when the ballet ended she told me the directions to get home cause every turn went left right left right and that was how we got home. We went to BK for lunch and had fun little talks and she got to play in the Play place at BK. My all time fav. thing she said to me went like this "K Cindy Next time we go to the same place for the ballet i will wear this same dress, this same tights and this same shoes. Then we have to come to this same place for lunch. Understand Cindy?". K i was laughing in my head about that cause she had the most serious tone in her voice and gave me a serious look while she was doing it! I so wish i got that on video! When we got back to her house to drop her off she wanted to do her own ballet so Ma put in the cd and she put on her own little ballet for us!

Now on to my Birthday!!! So yes its official i am 19!!! As of Dec.20!!! I woke up at 10:49am and i turned on my phone thinking i would have lots of texts if not phone calls. I had 1 message on my voicemail! It was from a person very special to me. We where planning on getting together and doing something for my birthday since my family told me to find my own thing to do om my birthday. So i was trying to do just that! She ended up planning on having me over when i was done going out to eat with my fam. So when dinner was over my dad droped me off at their house. I walked in and all the kids where soo excited to see me and they all yelled Happy Birthday! Well their ma was in the other room she was asking me random questions like "Whats your fav. color? I dont have that one! Whats your next fav. color? oh well this one is close enough! Some one turn off all the lights!!!!". I am sitting at the end of the table with the kids and thinking "What on earth?" Well Ma finaly comes out of the room holding cupcakes with an orange/pink candle in one of them. They all sing to me then i get to blow out the candle. Kar and E both had me unwrap my gifts they had for me and J looked and me all sad said i dont have one ran to his gingerbread house and ripped off a candy cane handed it to me and said Happy Birthday! so i got a home made soccerball from Kar,E gave me a snowglobe with a nativity in it and a candy cane from J. well we bundled up the 4 kids and jumped in the van and took a trip to stillwater and visited a live nativity! I held the little Cait most of the time while we walked around. The funny part was when we pulled in J yelled 1 more min. we where so confused then we saw the clock it was 7:27 in 1 min i was offically 19!! so we sat there and when the min was up they bursted in to song again! When we were all done at the church we drove back home and droped off the kids and me and Ma C went to River Falls and saw Bolt!! cutest movie ever!

The next day was sunday! Well i went to church and the life shaping meal. Watched the kids for ma C while her and PB were in a meeting. Cait was attached to me like none other it was so cute she was calling me "indy" all day. Well it came time for me to go and them to go and Ma C went to take Cait out of my arm and Cait didnt want to leave it was funny she is always excited for ma! Well ma looked at her and said "You like Sydney dont you?" Cait replied " I luv Cindy!" Ok offically the cutest thing out of her mouth and it made my day!

Birthday wishes...

2008-12-19T20:42:00.000-08:00

Well here it goes.

meet Jaime Jamgochian and that the weather will hold off till at least sunday cause i want to do stuff on my Birthday. This month has been hard dreams where crushed and fights broke out. I had a day or two that where great however i would love good weather tomorrow.

Tears from wishes....

2008-12-14T19:48:00.000-08:00

I am normally the first person to say I love winter bad weather and all. However when it ends up messing up my Birthday wish I don't like it. My Birthday wish for the past 4 years was to be able to go see Jaime Jamgochian in concert again. So for my Birthday this year I got myself just that 2 tickets to go see Jaime Jamgochian in concert 5 days before my birthday. The concert is to be held tomorrow at 7pm in North Mankato MN.Well as we all know today we had some freezing rain oh and snow all through the day. That iced the roads and tomorrow its going to be cold with a horrible windshield. Well Great i normally dont mind at all i mean snow day for my sisters and what eve. However this time I have tears in my eyes praying for warm weather. I mean I spent the money i had set aside for my Birthday spending money for my bday and spent it on the tickets so now what i get to be out of my money and wont have the chance for quite some time to see Jaime in concert. It took 5 years before she came close enough that my parents would let me go and now cause of the weather i dont get to go and i wont have money to spend on my birthday! What a great gift i just got myself for my birthday. I cant believe this is happening to me. I try so hard not to ask for much of anything and the one time i do something for myself it bites back.Well i guess i will just have to have the same wish for the next 4 years before i get the chance to see her again.

Poems!

2008-12-07T21:02:00.000-08:00

SINCE WHEN?

Since when have you known me my heart and my soul?
Since when have you known me my life and my mind?
Since when have you known me my tears and my sorrow?
Since when have you known me my smile and my laughter?
Since when have you known me my call and my faith?
Since when have you known me my God and my Father?

TAKE A HIKE!

As I take my hike i see the Grace of God above me.
I see the peace He gives in the swaying trees.
I see the mercy in the water rushing by me.
I see the hope in the animals running around.
I see the love in the couples passing by.
I see the beauty in the sun while it sets.
I see the dance he puts in our lives as time flies.
I see the patience of God as the night grows dark.
I see the trust in God as I climb the hill.
I see the wisdom as I watch the other hikers.
I see the understanding in watching the rain fall down.
I see the selflessness in everything i pass.
I see the friendship he gives as someone helps me after a fall.
I see the encouragement in the waves coming in with the tide.
I see the authority when i hear the wind.
I see the comfort as I sit and take in everything around me.

WHY?

Why is life hard to live when you live it for your faith.
Why can't people believe God can lead you to a place.
Why do you crush me for what i believe?
Why don't you see the life I lead?

Are you blind to the grace of God
Are people too scared to go to a place they don't know?
Are you afraid that what i believe is true?
Are you afraid you can't lead this life too?

I tell you life is hard but when you have faith you will pull through.
I tell you if you believe He will lead you!
I tell you don't be afraid its going to be ok.
I tell you you can lead this life too!

HER FATHERS.

One Father makes her feel like no matter what she does is never good enough.
The other Father makes her feel like everything she does matters.

One Father doesn't show at events he wants him to be there at.
The other Father is always there.

One Father doesn't show his love for her.
The other Father always shows his love.

One Father doesn't see the pain in her life.
The other Father reaches down to help her through it.

One Father leaves her to grow in faith alone.
The other Father is the cause of her faith.

One Father doesn't kiss his little girl or give her a hug.
The other Father kisses his little girl and gives her hugs every day.

One Father doesn't see how broken she is because of him.
The other Father is there to help mend the relationship.

One Father doesn't believe God is there.
The other Father is God who is here!

Thanksgiving...

2008-11-27T20:53:00.000-08:00

This year everything i am thankful for all ties into one big thank! I am thankful for my Father above all GOD!!!! I want to thank him for everything he has given me good and not so good. For the discouraging words out of my fathers mouth to a new member of the family standing up for me! From the arguments between my sisters and I to a family who took me under their wing as a girl of theirs! Food,shelter,clothing,to the ability to have faith in Him. The call He has on my life. Friends and the adults i have in my life that are there for me!

Will it land on your shoulder?

2008-10-03T08:18:00.000-07:00

Pictures from the Butterfly garden at Como Zoo this summer!

"Love is like a butterfly, the more you pursue it the more it eludes you, but if your calm and still it will land on your shoulder." random quote i got yesterday

In a place i loved.

2008-09-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought i would be at this point right now but God. Tonight i went to the one place i loved for the past 4 years. Tonight i was the most fake person i have ever been. I wore my mask all night that said i am soo happy to be here and cant wait to see what the year has in store. When in reality nothing was the same. I have NEVER felt more alone then tonight. The kids i went back for this year have NEW friends so i get kicked to the side. NO ONE can read my feelings any more. I hate to say this but i dont want to go back what so ever. It was so hard faking how i felt tonight i just wanted to leave but i couldnt.(helps to have no car) Now i am just so lost on what to do. I am afraid this feeling is just going to get worse as the year goes on. I am having a hard time trusting people again. Feeling like you dont belong is the worst feeling ever and i feel that way all over again. Maybe i should just keep going back faking how i feel every time like i did tonight. How can a place you once loved and belonged to end up like this with you being the outsider in a place you loved? Thats all i want to know.......I pray Lord that you will help me through this and that i will not have this feeling any more Lord. I need your help.

loosing ability?!

2008-09-15T12:06:00.000-07:00

Well today has been successful in some ways and down casting in others. I am 4 weeks ahead in my health class right now so i am excited to only need to focus on 2 classes right now!The down casting part is i found out something is hindering my singing ability. I started to notice it yesterday morning during service then i went to the Well and it was fine. However this morning while i sit and get ahead in health class i was listening to songs and tried to sing along but i was having the hardest time even trying to get through a line of the song with out coughing. I wonder whats going on with it. What is God teaching me? What is he trying to show me? Where will he take me? those are all the questions going through my head right now! I can only imagine what he has in store!

First time eats/drinks!

2008-09-14T20:34:00.000-07:00

K so I am odd i haven't been pressured to eat certain foods while i was growing up! Well i am going to write a list of all the foods i have had for the first time ever at 18. This is a interesting list i will put them in order of how they where eaten from the first thing i tried to now.

Peanut-butter and jelly! Yes first time ever!!! I always ate Jelly but NEVER Peanut butter!
Strawberry! i was forced to at a friends grad-party and they have the proof that i did eat one!
spinach still dislike that stuff!
asparagus......still gross
Pie! yes i have never had pie before call me crazy! i had French silk and lemon ma-rang at the 9th grade welcome!
Green Tea!

K well thats all for now that i can think of i know some of you out there have been keeping track so if ya have more to add let me know!!!!!!! or if ya wanna make fun of and laugh at me you have my permission!

Baggage! We all have it!

2008-09-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

K well this is about a drama that changed my life for me a year go. I had gone to the Revolve Tour and they did this drama. I couldnt contain myself while they where doing this drama. We all carry so much baggage and it holds us captive. We need to let God take care of it cause he WILL give us peace. Well since i cant figure out how to get the video on here i will post the link for ya!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrvJIznZKtU

Hope ya enjoy this video as much as i do!

Quotes!

2008-09-11T21:03:00.001-07:00

K so on a bit of a lighter note from the last post i made here are some of my quotes i like!

*Every little girl should be so loved, so welcomed-seen, known, treasured. From this place she can become a strong and beautiful and confident woman.* From Captivating

*No matter where you are on the journey to the glorifying, liberated life in Christ, you are His treasure. He does not want to take from you. He wants to give you and free you from any hindrance.* From Breaking Free

*Today I figured out I can't fix everything or anything myself for that matter.* From me talking about trying to fix a problem i had one morning that i couldn't fix So i gave it all to God and he gave me peace!

Where where you?

2008-09-11T20:46:00.000-07:00

K well today 7years ago the twin towers fell to the ground. You always here you never forget where you where the day the Twin Towers fell. Well today i chose to tell you all about where i was when i heard. It was 2nd or 3rd hour i was in my 7th grade math class. It was your normal day me sitting in my spot at the front of the classroom in my desk working on a work sheet. All of a sudden the door to the room swung open. It was a student from one of the other classes in our house who ran in to Mr.H's room and yelled "turn on the news now!" Mr.H was so confused as to why or what was going on but he turned on the news just in time to see the second tower get hit by the plane! Oh my goodness was what was being said all over the classroom. For the rest of the math hour we sat there watching replay after replay after replay of both the towers getting hit. We where all so scared. The bell rang and it was all we could talk about! I was on my way to gym class talking to my friends and all you could hear in the hall was "Did you see what was on the news today!" "How could something like that happen." and "This will be in the history books!" Well I went to science with Mrs.S after gym was over and everyone in the class wanted to watch more of the news to hear more about what was going on. However the Office had chose to inform all the teachers that they where not allowed to let us watch it anymore. Wow the fact that i still remember all this still amazes me but it is one of those things that you never forget!

Praying for my life!

2008-09-01T21:37:00.000-07:00

Well Today i was excited for a great day! The morning started out with a big family brunch witch was loads of fun! In the evening we had planned to go to my sisters boyfriends house for a party. We left for his house at 5pm. When we got there I ate 2 tacos that where amazing!!! After that we all where going to jump into the pool. Well i forgot my swimsuit so i took the van and drove back home! What happen next sacred me! I got home and i walked in to my room to grab my suit and all of a sudden i started to weeze. I had the hardest time breathing! I was so scared i quick put my suit on and i had to sit for a bit cause it hurt to breath soo bad! Well as i sat there all i could do was pray. I sat there with tears in my eyes Praying to God Please help me please help take the pain away. Finnally i got back in the van most likely speeded to the party walked in and walked up to my dad and asked for mom. She had just got in to her suit and i looked at her and i told her i couldnt breath and i needed to go to the ER. Me mom and dad quick went over to the hospital i was still frightened for my life. We had got there and they took me in to a room and hooked me up with wires and i ended up on a nebulizer. I had to get chest X-rays and they came in and told me that they have no idea what so ever what had caused my air way to close up like it did. They said we may never know what caused it and that it might never happen again. Just incase it was to happen again thay gave me a inhaler. This was MY first time ever in the ER for me. I am soo happy that i can breath with no problems right now!

Iowa part 3! the last leg!

2008-08-24T12:32:00.000-07:00

K so we got home at 2pm. We woke up at 7:00am this nice sunday morning we at at the hotel got out of there at 7:46am. We stopped twice on the way back. We crossed in to the great state of WI at 9:16am and got home to hudson at 2!!! i am excited to be home but we might be going back down this coming weekend!!!! Wow a world of things happen while i was gone! The only website i was on while i was down in Iowa was this so i could blog! When i got back this morning i found someone had gotten on to my facebook some how and changed things on it! wow all those comments i had to reply to!!! well i fixed that now so everything should go well! I get to go to the church picnic! and the Well tonight so all is happy for me!!!

Iowa part 2!

2008-08-23T21:00:00.000-07:00

K so today we slept in for once in our summer! I got up first out of the girls at 8:44 am. We got up by 9am and we went to Kohl's cause its right next to the hotel we are staying at so we walked! After we got back from shopping we went out to eat at Best Maid! They have amazing burgers!!! When we where done eating we went to my dads aunt and uncle's house to hang out! We got back to the hotel at about 3pm and we just hung out in the hotel room! At 5pm we went to the 50th wedding anniversary that we came down here for! We left there at about 10:25pm i think! While we where there i saw some relatives i have never met before and some that i have met! I think thats about all for today! We get up bright and early tomorrow morning at about 5:30am!!! We are going to eat breakfast here at the hotel at 6am then we will hit the road!! We hope to be back by 2pm and if that happens i will be at the church picnic and the well! So i pray we get back in time for those!!!

Iowa part1!

2008-08-23T14:19:00.000-07:00

K so yesterday was friday and we started our weekend trip to Iowa! Well it was "going" to take us 4 hours to get to Iowa where our hotel is at. Yah right it took us 8 hours total before we got to where we needed to be! I had to nanny friday from 9am till 3:30pm. That is a shorter day then normal. I had to pack on thursday and i was already to go with all my stuff. Here was the rundown of yesterday!

4:30 left Hudson WI
8:00pm ate dinner at mexican restront
8:30pm still driving through Lacross WI!
11:10pm in illinoise
11:16pm debque Iowa
12:43am pulled in to hotel!!!
1:00 am in bed and ready to sleep!!!!

I think my dad relized that talking to girls in their teens about sharing a bed for the weekend at 1am is a bad idea! My cot was not in the room and they had told us they where out of cots. My dad asked me if i would share a bed and i told him no i am the oldest and i didnt get any sleep in the car at all and i wanted my cot!!! well a bit later a cot came in and my youngest sister had to sleep on it! I was happy to have a real bed and i was tired so i took the bed!

about to give....

2008-08-14T18:26:00.000-07:00

I am getting tired of people telling me that they will call me and start including me in things. I found out this summer who my real friends my age are. I found out it was just me. I was only called to be the third wheel. I wasn't included in anything where all the rest of my "friends" my age where included in. I know its going to carry in to youth group this year and i am starting to think my mom is right. She told me i shouldn't do youth group this year and go to a church group more for young adults. My cousin's girlfriend is in the group at church for older teens and college age students and she would like me to go to that too. However some of the underclass students have talked to me and want me to come back cause they connect with me and they know they can trust me and tell me things that they dont tell anyone else. I just want to be included for once i dont what to always plan things in order for me to hang out with people. I wish right now that the friends my age cared about me enough to call me not as a back burner person but as a real friend. I am sick of looking at their pics that they post and see all them hanging out and all that goes through my mind is why was i not invited do they not like me. I am tired of it it makes me sad every time i see pics of all them. I just want to give up and be a quiet person again cause i dont know what else to do. I dont know how much longer i can pray about it I just want a friend who will call and hang with me. I feel soo alone soo much that i am excited for summer to end and school to start just because i get something to do even if its school work.

RAFTING!!!!

2008-08-11T12:12:00.000-07:00

WOW!!! Thats all i have to say about white water rafting! I went for my first rafting trip ever this weekend and it was a blast! The ride up to shotgun eddies on the other hand was not my cup of coffee! 4AM and ME do NOT mix well at all. Expecially when i have 5 girls staying overnight at my house and staying up till 12:32AM the morning we need to be up at 4! We didnt sleep at all the whole 5 hour ride over to the rafting place! Once we got to shotgun eddies we waited and ate lunch got in line and sat for a bit. We loaded the bus to go to where we where rafting down the river. They told us the trip down the river would take 6hours we would go through about 3 sets of rapids and down 2 water falls! Well me being who i am i was scared about the whole waterfall thing cause i have a fear of falling from hights! Well, to make it more interesting we where all in pairs in the rafts so one of the leaders decited it would be fun to flip other peoples rafts while we where on the river! It was fun to watch and be a part of. Well after a bit me and the girl in my raft decited to switch rafts so we would get the chance to connect with the others in the group!

After we had done that our Youth Pastor had asked us who had not been flipped over yet so 2 of us raised our hands! well it was now unfair cause we where in with girls who had already been flipped! We thought we where in the clear! Until we hit a sandbar area and he charged right at my raft running like he was going to flip my raft so i being "smart" jumped out and started running. What i didnt think about was he might do something else. So all of a sunned "SPLASH" there i go face first in to the sandbar! He had seen me taking off running and he grabbed my foot and i had fell! After all that happened we had gone down the first water fall it was only 4ft though so i wasnt too scared. We hit a set of rapids and man those where fun! After all that the girl in my raft had lost her paddle so all of us in our group where all by eachother. Well our pastor said to me " it looks like she could use a hand grab her foot and help her to the water" well if ya listen to him someone will be in the water! There she went right in to the water. She got back in before we got to the next set of rapids. After we got though that i dont know what i was doing but the pastor pushed me in and i couldnt reach the bottom of the river and it took me forever to get back in. We changed rafts again so i was with one of the jr.s in the group. Well we had another set of rapids to go through and well we got stuck in the middle of the rapid and it took us forever to get down it but we got down the first part.

While all this was going on i got lunched on the second part of the rapids and went flying to the oppiset side of the raft and the girl i was with lunched to my side! when we got down our pastor and the other leader looked at us and said it looked funny and they thought one of us got lunched out of the raft! Well my legs where up straight in the air and she just fell so the raft covered her cause she was laying in the raft! After that there was much eventful things that happened! Until we hit the end of the river! There it was the 8ft. waterfall the one i had been fearing the whole trip! Well to say the least it was sooooo fun i never thought i could have fun on a 8 foot waterfall! However i did! We rode back to the camp site set everything up started a fire and started supper! We had Hobo dinners witch are amazing if you never had them before! It was a bit of a frustrating night for me with 1/2 of the girls in my tent though. Some creepy things had happened while our youth pastor was gone i was soo happy that our other two leaders where there for us though! We all laughed about it later! Well i was happy for bed time when it came! Well one of the Guys decited to pull a prank on us to that related to the creepy stuff earlyer that night! He knocked on our tent made his voice sound different and said "How old are you girls?" well there was a pause and i was about to we got scared and where about to yell for a leader then i saw our y.p. come over to say good night and it was one of our boys that just came over to say goodnight to us! it was one of those you had to be there things! I soo want to go back again!!!

VBS!!!

2008-08-11T12:00:00.000-07:00

K so i never thought the day would come that i would miss something like VBS but i do!!! I miss seeing all the kids learning about God and what he has done for them! I miss the songs soo much that i play the CD EVERYDAY!!! I even learned new things while i was helping lead our crew! I miss my tacky hair do's through out the week! Seeing the kids faces when something finally clicked was soo neat to see! I have missed teaching little kids in the church since i am not doing Children's Church anymore. Working at VBS was amazing i have loads of fun memories from the 4 days of doing it!

To run...or not to run?!?!

2008-08-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

K so the Pepperfest has a 5k on saturday the 16th. I have been told that i should run one. Now is my first chance to do so! I just dont know if i wanna go run it alone on my first time! Well we will have to see what happens. i think i may Just go and reg. at 6:30am!

I will miss....

2008-08-02T21:01:00.000-07:00

K so tonight i had a blast hanging with a family i love to be around! We had pizza and a movie! The kids dont always call me by my real name they call me Cindy instead! I love it it sounds soo cute coming from them. Then their mom pointed out that they are going to grow up and stop calling me that at some point! When she told me this i looked at her and said i would miss it and it is soo true! Its what i have been called for the past 2 years from her kids and i love it and when they do grow out of it i will be a bit sad inside! but seeing as though its not now i will smile and cherish it each time i hear it from her kids! I love yall!!!

Over organization!

2008-08-01T20:59:00.000-07:00

K well ever since i got back from camp i have been on this insane organization kick and its not going away! Yesterday i had a day off from my nanny job and i was in my room the entire day cleaning every possible thing i could and i ran to wall-mart twice yesterday and twice more today to get storage units! What is going on. Those who know me well know that i have never been like this ever. Normally when i go on a kick like this its clean the room so i know where everything is and I'm done. Not this time it seems like i am trying to micromanage my life! I mean having cubbies for things is one thing but buying MATCHING notebooks, journals, ohh and a PLANNER! NEVER like this! It just has been driving me insane to the point where when tonight when i went to go to wall-mart to see if they had 2 more of the cubbies i almost went overboard they STILL didnt have any and it started to stress me out. On the up side i did get the tent i NEEDED so that was a big upside! Well i cant wait to see what God is going to teach me and i have a feeling i am trying to take control of every little thing i can but like we talked about at camp "LET GO AND LET GOD!!!" thats the big thing i am trying to remember this week!!!

Shinning!

2008-07-29T20:27:00.000-07:00

On the last night of camp we always have a big all camp bonfire! This years was the best one of the past 5 years! All week we where talking about shinning our light that God gave us. This year was a bit different at the fire. We had the fire and we all where handed candles. We didn't know what we were to do with them so we just held them for awhile. We lit the candles one person at a time and the light spread a far way! We where surprised how fast lighting the candles spread and how much light it gave off. James Allen continued on to say that if each light represented one of us and the light we have in Christ along with how quickly the light of God could spread if we would take the time to share. We where challenged to be the light when we got back home. Someone who would stand up for what we believe, listen to what God wants us to do no matter how big or small it may be. If only there were more words to describe how amazing that night was. When we put out our candles we noticed how dark it became with just the fire burning. On top of all this we had talked to the guys about things that girls struggle with and the guys did the same for us. It was a neat thing to hear they where helping us to help them and vise versa. The best thing the guys said was this " You girls could get up tomorrow morning and walk out of your cabins with no makeup and bead head hair and we would find you Beautiful." All you could hear from the girls was laughing! So we told the guys " Well we like guys who are gentlemen." We didnt know what they would do with that at all. Anna and JAH both looked at each other and said that sounds like a challenge. No one know what was going to happen the next day. The next morning when we woke up we got dressed walked out of the cabin and got in line for breakfast. Anna who is in charge looked at all us and said " Girls raise your hands if you didnt put make up on." ALL the girls didnt wear makeup or do their hair that morning! As we where getting dismissed to go eat we noticed the guys all in the lower KDA. We found out that they where being gentlemen and letting all the girls eat first! it was soo neat to have that happen!

Power of God!

2008-07-27T20:51:00.000-07:00

Wow is all that I can say about the power of God! Never before have i known a love so powerful. On monday night at chapel at camp it was as though it was a normal thursday night at camp. Thursday is the day that God just comes and over takes the camp. On tuesday night while we were in chapel we did our prayer and worship time. God was working in big ways that night breaking down walls, giving strength, and comforting people! We had music in the background and everywhere you looked you saw teens praying and praising God. The feeling there that night is indescribable all i can say is God is great! chapel ran late that night. People where getting there feet washed, everyone praying with each other or for each other. This was only the start to an amazing week of chapel! On that night when we walked out of chapel we all felt so comforted and at peace. The next thing you know we are in front of the lake and me and my friend i was walking with looked up at the sky! WOW what a picture God painted that night is was so neat to look up and see a clear night with bright shinning stars up in the sky! If I had the chance to sleep outside in the dirt that night i would have done so.

Another night at camp we did a sin/praises activity that was neat to do. On the floor when we walked in to the chapel there was a black sheet with black sharpies and a white sheet with colorful sharpies. On the black one we wrote our sins on to confess them and no one could read them because they where in black. On the white one we put down our praises. It was neat to see and read all the different things everyone was thankful for. On the last night of camp we had a fire and we took the black sheet and burned it and the white one we hung up so that we could read it all and see what everyone else had wrote. I had a blast and when i can put more of the experience in to words i will but i am just so over taken by what God did at camp that week!!!