Angry bridesmaid!

K well i think teen weddings well need the help and organization of an adult. I vote that they should use their heads a little. If you tell a bridesmaid the day before the fitting that they need $100 the day before how do you expect them to have it? Where is the money tree??? Oh boy there have been so many last min. things with this wedding planning its driving me up the wall! I mean if ya tell me earlier i will have the money but the day before!!! I have been saving all my money for my trip cause we never had a day planned for the dresses and we don't even know what they look like!!! uggh o well i guess no more trip for me all that money is going to a dress i will only wear once!

How long can you believe a lie?

I have been extra stressed lately. I can never seem to hit the ground running in the right directions these days. Pressure from school,college, deciding what to do next year, family, friends, Faith, work, everything is building pressure. I don't handle stress great cause i enternalize everything! I wont tell people how i feel unless they can see it. I always feel that if they cant tell then they dont care. Parents are pushing me to make decissions and it seems everytime i do they dont like the one i make. Trying to have faith right now is crazy hard. I keep falling and breaking. I get beat down and i beat myself up over it. Past come back and haunts me and makes me believe the lies satan is telling me. School well its my last year for highschool and that in its self is enough pressure for me but on top of that lets through in planning a grad party that is 1 and 1/2 months away! As for College my bible class i take on saturdays is great but it messes with my schedule like none other i get out of bed early or late i never seem to get out of the house at the right time! Deciding my life for next year i just want to through in the rag and give up! I dont wanna go for business and all my dreams for the next year keep getting pushed away and knocked down by what my parents expect of me! Its my life i wanna decide what to do! Family life well its stressful like always! Constant battle for me to do the right thing, make the right decission, not messing up, saying the wrong thing, and not making anybody mad. Come on! Friends well what about it! Some of them make me feel like they are using me to get something like rides or other things. Don't really have those deep friends anymore cause everyone else is always doing things together. Or like the big thing now is all the teens that went to Mexico they are their own click again so the few peeps i did talk to kinda ignore me now. The job thing i love the babysitting and nanny jobs i do it is one of my passions to be able to work and have fun with kids. However helping my mom with her 2 businesses not my passion or even something i want to be over involved in cause i cant stand that. The rav. business is the only one i could see myself doing something with cause i am the only one in the fam out of the kids who likes doing that. The pressure builds continually and i am having a hard time with this all and no one is around to talk anymore! I dont know how long i can believe the lies i tell myself to get through the day.

I tell my self i can handle all the pressure! I can run a business or 2! I can set aside my dreams and passions to do something i dont want to do! I can cram more in my week! I dont need friends! I dont need to talk to people! No one really cares about whats going on in my life! I am not worth anything! and so on there are so many lies i tell myself in a given day its sad.

I God has been breaking me of my ways slowly and its still a daily struggle to believe everything God says is true! if ya took time to read this sorry for my ranting but i needed to put it out there i dont care if you care or not i just had to do something to relieve some pressure.