Monday, January 11, 2010

Who am I?

Who am I is the question i have had in my head since this car crash i was in on Dec.2 2009. I'm trying to get over the fact that i may be out for the season on a few of my fav things. I may not be able to snowboard or ski this winter and this summer who knows maybe no volleyball or kayaking. Its all up in the air. I just wish i could go back to that day and never get into that car accident. I feel like i have lost some of the things that i love. Its hard for me to sit on the sideline and watch others do things i wish i could do. I miss having the option to say Yes to those things verses having no choice and saying NO cause i know it will hurt my shoulder or back. I miss just going out and doing things. I want to say yes again. I don't find joy in photography anymore either cause i have always done it while doing things i like. Now i cant get those shots i wanted to get out on the ski hills this year. I hate the slowness to my life right now. I want the ability to do things again. I miss playing sports and going out on the hills and sledding or boarding. Its been hard to see photos of these kinds of things thinking if i didn't get into the crash i could have been out there too! I feel like i don't know who i am any more....I'm not as active as i have been and i am tired of not doing things i loved. I want to be able to at least pick up my camera and have a bit of joy in taking photos again. I miss that feeling of turning something into a piece of art.Now I guess i need to learn how to take beautiful pictures from the sideline and not out in the mist of the action...I just don't know how to be that person...I just don't know who i am any more and i wish i did at this point.

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