long time no post...

Well most of you may or may not know what has been going on in my life lately so here goes nothing...For the past few months i have been planing a conference called Identity In Him Women's Conference. It for women in highschool and college looking to find their true identity in Christ. I have noticed an increase in women that age struggling with identity in life. Last month i went through a drought in my ability to do things that are so big and out there. This conference being one of them i hit the bottom and was unsure how to do this anymore but God kept telling me and giving me little things to show the direction. I was at the bottom one night so badly and i was at a Barlowgirl concert in MN. Well Alyssa was talking about one of their songs called a million voices. She had said that our generation need to be bold and do those things that people believe we cant do and how the media lies to us and how we need to change our world! That was like a slap in the face to me and i needed that it has lit a huge fire in me and has opened may doors for me. This conference is now 1 month away and on April 10th i will be sharing in front of a group of women a story of changing you name. I found this thanks to the concert. Alyssa had struggled with something huge in her life and found Is. 62 helpful in knowing if you let God take you he can change your name. I had been holding names on myself that had no need to be there. I love the name Beloved! That is my name to God thats how he sees me!

Well along with that there is a lot of fighting about peoples futures in our house. I have been wanting to do YWAM for a few years now and i decited to listen to God and chase down that dream. I am working on my app for going. Yes as usual my dad hated the idea of me doing it yet at the same time he condones it. Now i feel like i have been flying under the family radar by planning the YWAM decision. The focus and fighting turned off me on to my sister after a week of my dad hating my idea for my life and him trying to push me in the direction he thought i should go. He had had my sister sold on his idea of the air force and well she decited to not go that way and go into a different branch. My parents have been fighting with her for the past month about this choice and well tonight they sign the papers letting her do it. However i know i will still be lashed out on in frustration and anger over her choice cause its been that for for a while now. there is soo much tension in the house everylittle thing can set anyone person off at any moment. The attitudes are hard to deal with. We have turned into a family of yelling and fighting and i hate it. I try to stay out of it and keep my mouth shut but even getting your breakfast ready in the morning can open a door for a fight because there is no milk. Its not that you said anything about it but one person will turn around and yell "There is no f-in milk!" then another person will lash out on you and try to get you to join in. i have made note of this to just walk away. But how many times can one do that when the words coming out of ones mouth is soo hurtful to the one on the receiving end. I am focusing on where God is leading and i know he has a way out of here for me and i need to wait for it to come. It hurts to not have family support in the decisions i make but i found it makes me a stronger person and my ability to stand up for what i know is truth in life! They may not help with with YWAM or this conference but God has placed a good family around me to support me in my life.

I went to meet Alisha who is a great woman and the speaker for the conference the other day and she saw me like i have never been. I was confident, stong, and happy! She has always seen the struggle in my life and has helped me through. She loved to hear all that was going on and kept telling me it was great to see me smile again and confident in God's leading on my life. I was fearless in a way for once. She was excited to hear my future plans and is supportive of what is in the makings for my life! Another few people who have been a huge encouragement in my life would be Pastor Dave and his family. Dave and his wife are great to open there house to about 20 college age students at 9pm on a saturday for a biblestudy! Last week Dave during a prayer request i had looked over and noticed me smirking while i was asking for prayer over what was going on. Dave just looked at me and said "Syd i love how you smirk every time you ask for prayer. You just make me smile cause your smirk gives me the I know God's going to do something and my family just doesn't know it look when you do that! You just have confidence in the fact that God will do something!" I thought about that on the way home that night and i came to the conclusion that if i couldn't smile while asking for prayer over something i know God will do something with then would my faith in him be real. I mean if i asked for prayer thinking God could do nothing that would just be a huge joke. I mean i smile cause i know God is the one that matters in my life and i wanna live for him and if we don't ask we will never get an answer. So i smile knowing God is there listening and will give an answer in time. Dave's wife has been another huge help in my life right now with my YWAM application. She has talked to me and is supporting me and helping me with my questions and application and is in prayer for me and this. Her kiddos are soo sweet too. I know that whole family will be praying for this for me and it makes me excited! Her son and daughter where watching the application come out of the printer sheet by sheet and where excited to hear where God my bring me!

I love all you out there and God bless each one of you!