Lessons to be learned that are Lifeshaping!!

I have learned alot this past semester in Lifeshaping at my church. I have an amazing woman who leads class who will be called AC in this blog. We went through the book respectiable sins. In the class we did alot of wworksheets and some fun game analigies to go along with them. I had been getting a lot out of this class but i was extreemly quiet during the class answering questions only when i had to. I was struggling with a lot while in this class. It brought back this i didnt want to remember and other things that have torn me down. I got to the point one week during class that i wanted to thank AC for all that she had done and we all seem to leave the class room with a bit of a mess so me deciding to be who i am cleaned up. AC and i had a good convo for awhile that day while i was in there and i left chruch feeling different in some way. Later that night i went to Latte and heard amazing testamonies by 2 wonderful women from our church one who i grow closer to everytime i see her. That night i was struggling with alot of emotions of things in my life and pressures i have. I had got a phone call from a friend of my that added to my stress as it was. When all of a sudden i hear my name called. I turn around with my eyes watering and all the pain of everything i had been dealing with and there was AC. She came over and gave me one of the biggest hugs ever and it made my night. She had asked how i was and for once i couldnt hide how i was feeling at all(even if i wanted to). So we talked for a bit then decided we would get together sometime to talk. I had recived a call from her but i told her i was unable to talk about it over the phone. We got together last wed for coffee. I had told her why i was so quiet in class and that it was not like me at all to be a quiet person. If you know me i always like to answer any question i can. Well a lot of you don't know a lot of the stuff i have been struggling with. So i am going to be extremely vulnerable right now. This is hard for me to do but i need to. I try to live up to some high standards i have set for myself. I have received these "standards" from what i have heard from: family, friends, t.v, magazines,and the world around me. I have major issues with how i see myself. I always found myself to be ugly,fat,not worth anything, and unloved. Its hard living a life to unrealistic standards. I am the "goody two shoes" in the family so i cant make a mistake or the world will come to an end and I would love to hear i am loved and that i am beautiful from my dad for once again in my life. I am slowly overcoming this area of struggle and i found good things to focus on about me. Thanks to AC! I love my smile and i am starting to love my eyes,along with my unique since of style. A huge thing that has been hard for me is Trust. It is extremely hard for me to trust anyone especially guys. My dad stopped coming to my special things i would do no matter how many times i asked and if he did he would leave before they started. I can remember being at my volleyball game like 10mins before it started and it was a tournament and dad came over to me and said he was going to leave to go visit my cousin vs stay for my game. This has continued still to this day. I cant even get him to do anything with me. I just want my dad who use to love me and find me good enough to hangout with back. Due to this trust with my dad it has carried over into my relationship with God my Father. I can trust everything He says but only in my head and not in my heart. This is a huge thing that i am trying to work through and if anyone has advice or some good bible verses to help that would be great! I am so grateful that I have grown so much in that class and that AC is one of those teachers/friends that is there to help us teens! Cant wait to continue class this summer who knows what else God has in-store for all us teens in that class!

I have a few verses i read right away when i wake up and i meditate on them through out the day and i love these verses cause they are sooo true!

Galatians 5:22-23
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.

Philippians 4:8-9
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, what ever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me-put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

1 Peter 5:8-9
Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.


Thats all i have to say for today. God bless!