In a place i loved.

Who would have thought i would be at this point right now but God. Tonight i went to the one place i loved for the past 4 years. Tonight i was the most fake person i have ever been. I wore my mask all night that said i am soo happy to be here and cant wait to see what the year has in store. When in reality nothing was the same. I have NEVER felt more alone then tonight. The kids i went back for this year have NEW friends so i get kicked to the side. NO ONE can read my feelings any more. I hate to say this but i dont want to go back what so ever. It was so hard faking how i felt tonight i just wanted to leave but i couldnt.(helps to have no car) Now i am just so lost on what to do. I am afraid this feeling is just going to get worse as the year goes on. I am having a hard time trusting people again. Feeling like you dont belong is the worst feeling ever and i feel that way all over again. Maybe i should just keep going back faking how i feel every time like i did tonight. How can a place you once loved and belonged to end up like this with you being the outsider in a place you loved? Thats all i want to know.......I pray Lord that you will help me through this and that i will not have this feeling any more Lord. I need your help.

loosing ability?!

Well today has been successful in some ways and down casting in others. I am 4 weeks ahead in my health class right now so i am excited to only need to focus on 2 classes right now!The down casting part is i found out something is hindering my singing ability. I started to notice it yesterday morning during service then i went to the Well and it was fine. However this morning while i sit and get ahead in health class i was listening to songs and tried to sing along but i was having the hardest time even trying to get through a line of the song with out coughing. I wonder whats going on with it. What is God teaching me? What is he trying to show me? Where will he take me? those are all the questions going through my head right now! I can only imagine what he has in store!

First time eats/drinks!

K so I am odd i haven't been pressured to eat certain foods while i was growing up! Well i am going to write a list of all the foods i have had for the first time ever at 18. This is a interesting list i will put them in order of how they where eaten from the first thing i tried to now.

Peanut-butter and jelly! Yes first time ever!!! I always ate Jelly but NEVER Peanut butter!
Strawberry! i was forced to at a friends grad-party and they have the proof that i did eat one!
spinach still dislike that stuff!
asparagus......still gross
Pie! yes i have never had pie before call me crazy! i had French silk and lemon ma-rang at the 9th grade welcome!
Green Tea!

K well thats all for now that i can think of i know some of you out there have been keeping track so if ya have more to add let me know!!!!!!! or if ya wanna make fun of and laugh at me you have my permission!

Baggage! We all have it!

K well this is about a drama that changed my life for me a year go. I had gone to the Revolve Tour and they did this drama. I couldnt contain myself while they where doing this drama. We all carry so much baggage and it holds us captive. We need to let God take care of it cause he WILL give us peace. Well since i cant figure out how to get the video on here i will post the link for ya!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KrvJIznZKtU

Hope ya enjoy this video as much as i do!

Quotes!

K so on a bit of a lighter note from the last post i made here are some of my quotes i like!

*Every little girl should be so loved, so welcomed-seen, known, treasured. From this place she can become a strong and beautiful and confident woman.* From Captivating

*No matter where you are on the journey to the glorifying, liberated life in Christ, you are His treasure. He does not want to take from you. He wants to give you and free you from any hindrance.* From Breaking Free

*Today I figured out I can't fix everything or anything myself for that matter.* From me talking about trying to fix a problem i had one morning that i couldn't fix So i gave it all to God and he gave me peace!

Where where you?

K well today 7years ago the twin towers fell to the ground. You always here you never forget where you where the day the Twin Towers fell. Well today i chose to tell you all about where i was when i heard. It was 2nd or 3rd hour i was in my 7th grade math class. It was your normal day me sitting in my spot at the front of the classroom in my desk working on a work sheet. All of a sudden the door to the room swung open. It was a student from one of the other classes in our house who ran in to Mr.H's room and yelled "turn on the news now!" Mr.H was so confused as to why or what was going on but he turned on the news just in time to see the second tower get hit by the plane! Oh my goodness was what was being said all over the classroom. For the rest of the math hour we sat there watching replay after replay after replay of both the towers getting hit. We where all so scared. The bell rang and it was all we could talk about! I was on my way to gym class talking to my friends and all you could hear in the hall was "Did you see what was on the news today!" "How could something like that happen." and "This will be in the history books!" Well I went to science with Mrs.S after gym was over and everyone in the class wanted to watch more of the news to hear more about what was going on. However the Office had chose to inform all the teachers that they where not allowed to let us watch it anymore. Wow the fact that i still remember all this still amazes me but it is one of those things that you never forget!

Praying for my life!

Well Today i was excited for a great day! The morning started out with a big family brunch witch was loads of fun! In the evening we had planned to go to my sisters boyfriends house for a party. We left for his house at 5pm. When we got there I ate 2 tacos that where amazing!!! After that we all where going to jump into the pool. Well i forgot my swimsuit so i took the van and drove back home! What happen next sacred me! I got home and i walked in to my room to grab my suit and all of a sudden i started to weeze. I had the hardest time breathing! I was so scared i quick put my suit on and i had to sit for a bit cause it hurt to breath soo bad! Well as i sat there all i could do was pray. I sat there with tears in my eyes Praying to God Please help me please help take the pain away. Finnally i got back in the van most likely speeded to the party walked in and walked up to my dad and asked for mom. She had just got in to her suit and i looked at her and i told her i couldnt breath and i needed to go to the ER. Me mom and dad quick went over to the hospital i was still frightened for my life. We had got there and they took me in to a room and hooked me up with wires and i ended up on a nebulizer. I had to get chest X-rays and they came in and told me that they have no idea what so ever what had caused my air way to close up like it did. They said we may never know what caused it and that it might never happen again. Just incase it was to happen again thay gave me a inhaler. This was MY first time ever in the ER for me. I am soo happy that i can breath with no problems right now!