In a place i loved.

Who would have thought i would be at this point right now but God. Tonight i went to the one place i loved for the past 4 years. Tonight i was the most fake person i have ever been. I wore my mask all night that said i am soo happy to be here and cant wait to see what the year has in store. When in reality nothing was the same. I have NEVER felt more alone then tonight. The kids i went back for this year have NEW friends so i get kicked to the side. NO ONE can read my feelings any more. I hate to say this but i dont want to go back what so ever. It was so hard faking how i felt tonight i just wanted to leave but i couldnt.(helps to have no car) Now i am just so lost on what to do. I am afraid this feeling is just going to get worse as the year goes on. I am having a hard time trusting people again. Feeling like you dont belong is the worst feeling ever and i feel that way all over again. Maybe i should just keep going back faking how i feel every time like i did tonight. How can a place you once loved and belonged to end up like this with you being the outsider in a place you loved? Thats all i want to know.......I pray Lord that you will help me through this and that i will not have this feeling any more Lord. I need your help.